Affirmations for Supervillains

Have you ever heard Snoop Dogg’s affirmation song? I can’t recommend it highly enough:

My sister-in-law played it for me a few weeks ago, and this week I shared it with my youngest kid. We’ve been doing a lot of work with her on gratitude, empathy, and mindfulness, and I hoped that hearing Snoop Dogg declare, “I get better every single day! I care about others! I learn from my mistakes! I am responsible!” might help her work through a moment of upset.

Meanwhile, my older two kids were playing Lego Marvel Super Heroes in the other room. And suddenly, in my head, I imagined Thanos saying in Snoop Dogg’s voice, “I am inevitable!”

Let’s be real: I don’t not want my kids to have some supervillain energy. So here are some affirmations for those among us who would never want to be some insipid spandex-wearing do-gooder.

I am unstoppable.

With my wardrobe of dramatic capes and a menacing death glare, nothing can stand in my way.

Each setback is merely a plot twist.

I will embrace my failures as the dramatic build-up to my inevitable triumph.

My nemesis exists to highlight my brilliance.

I am grateful for the creative inspiration I get from foiling their every move.

Nothing can deter me from achieving my goals.

Goals: world domination, unlimited power, the perfect evil chuckle. All will be mine.

The elegance of my schemes is unparalleled.

Overly complicated plans are for big companies and bureaucracies. My schemes are simple and flawless.

My lair is my sanctuary.

I am the master of my fortress of solitude, and I decide its tone and vibes.

Every obstacle only strengthens my resolve.

Hurdles lead to growth and help me get stronger every single day. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will be my evil empire.

I command loyalty and inspire fear.

My presence alone demands a double-take and a gulp of fear, like having permanent dramatic lighting.

I always have the perfect comeback.

Sometimes several days later, but who cares? I’m the one writing this story.

Good luck defeating your nemeses, friends. And don’t pretend you don’t have any. We can be real with each other here.