I am SO EXCITED for your memoir. My spouse is trans, and I’ve struggled with a lack of nuanced support for spouses. Most of what I have encountered falls into two camps: 1) a bunch of terf-y ex wives who spend a lot of time centering themselves, and 2) super positive spouses who forbid any discussion about the hardships that arise for the spouse of a transitioning person. It is possible to be 100% super supportive of a transitioning spouse AND struggle with our own identity and grief and desires. I love my spouse and we are very much still married, but we have both struggled. More nuanced and supportive conversation will be so incredibly helpful for everyone. 💓
Honestly, from what you’ve said, you’ve done the most you can do, many people would have done less, and other than gentle reminders til publication, the choice to read it or not is hers now. I hear you about being a rabbit; I’d have devoured the draft immediately then nitpicked every detail. But I can’t presume to know how she feels, and I think the ‘to share or not to share’ is probably a gray area where you’ll both just have to let the other make their own choices.
Anyway agreed with the above comment, as I’ve two friends whose spouses are transitioning now. One is totally on board and the other is struggling, and I think it’s lovely you’re writing about this
Sometimes the silence of people who matter to us is deafening. I think it’s brave and respectful to share your draft and can’t wait to read the memoir.
I am SO EXCITED for your memoir. My spouse is trans, and I’ve struggled with a lack of nuanced support for spouses. Most of what I have encountered falls into two camps: 1) a bunch of terf-y ex wives who spend a lot of time centering themselves, and 2) super positive spouses who forbid any discussion about the hardships that arise for the spouse of a transitioning person. It is possible to be 100% super supportive of a transitioning spouse AND struggle with our own identity and grief and desires. I love my spouse and we are very much still married, but we have both struggled. More nuanced and supportive conversation will be so incredibly helpful for everyone. 💓
Honestly, from what you’ve said, you’ve done the most you can do, many people would have done less, and other than gentle reminders til publication, the choice to read it or not is hers now. I hear you about being a rabbit; I’d have devoured the draft immediately then nitpicked every detail. But I can’t presume to know how she feels, and I think the ‘to share or not to share’ is probably a gray area where you’ll both just have to let the other make their own choices.
Anyway agreed with the above comment, as I’ve two friends whose spouses are transitioning now. One is totally on board and the other is struggling, and I think it’s lovely you’re writing about this
I find this subject fascinating! I am in your camp that if someone was writing about me I would be chomping at the bit to read it!!!
Sometimes the silence of people who matter to us is deafening. I think it’s brave and respectful to share your draft and can’t wait to read the memoir.
I CANNOT IMAGINE NOT WANTING TO READ ABOUT ME (so thank you for writing about me!!)